


Can't Mourn Forever

by AspiringCreator



Category: Saints Row
Genre: Crying, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Male-Female Friendship, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:01:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24861976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AspiringCreator/pseuds/AspiringCreator
Summary: "Shaundi, we can't mourn Gat forever. Eventually, you gotta get back on the horse." They can't be serious. They can't possibly be this goddamn ridiculous. Excuse me, I didn't realize we suddenly jumped ahead several months, maybe I am still on the bulb and I just imagined us BURYING our friend just a few days ago! (Shaundi-POV) (SRTT) (One-shot) (VERY Light MaleBossXShaundi)
Relationships: Male Boss (Saints Row)/Shaundi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	Can't Mourn Forever

**Author's Note:**

> **Hey everyone, I hope you're all doing well in the midst of this crazy clustercrap of a new normal. Just real quickly, I want to say that I'm very sorry for how nonexistent the updates on this account have been. Between quarantine causing me to go stir-crazy to the occasional bouts of panic to just my lack of interest and ideas, it's been very difficult even considering the idea of getting back into fanfiction. That being said, the thought of returning never left my mind and at long last, an idea came up that I felt I just had to write and when it comes to this one? I hope I do well since not only has it been way too long since the last actual chapter of anything but also there's a lot of firsts for me here from how this is my first attempt at a POV story to being my first story set in the wacky universe of Saints Row.**
> 
> **To be honest, I'm not even sure why it has even taken me so long to even do a fanfic for this since I've been a fan of this franchise ever since I first laid eyes on Saints Row 2 back in 2008 but despite this, for whatever reason ideas I had just never left my noggin until now. That aside, I just thought with the release of Saints Row: The Third Remastered I'd try my hand at a one-shot for it. Now of course a little forewarning is that because it has been so long and since I'm trying some new things, I might be a little rusty so I hope you'll bear with me. In terms of timeline placement, this mostly takes place after the mission Trojan Whores. That being said, I hope you enjoy what I have to offer.**

( _Steelport - Brickston_ _Streets_ )

"Damn, girl! Life is for the living and shit, know what I'm sayin'?" As soon as that last word came out, I had felt it in my bones. I wanted so badly to turn right back around and sock that uncaring asshole right in the nose hard enough that I'd feel something crack and sure if I did that? It's likely the Boss, Zimos or whoever the hell else that was there would've tried to stop me but then again, that just meant they would've gotten some too. After all, that pimp I'm sure was one of the very people responsible for this shitty idea and as for the Boss? Just... I'm sorry but who in the-

"DING!" The sound of the elevator snapped me back to reality, my eyes widening ever so slightly as a faint image of my purple Torch came into view. Almost immediately I let my hand rest on the wall as I began to survey the area for any unwelcome purple jackets in the area. Luckily enough, either everyone was at the party or the guard just so happened to be on break because I neither heard or saw a single soul out and about.

"Thank fuck." I muttered to myself. The last thing I needed at this point was one person catching me spacing out and keeping me there for longer than I wanted. As I sped towards my car, I quickly shifted my glance from side-to-side just to be certain I was alone all the while I reached for my keys. Before I knew it, my engines were roaring with life as I pulled out of the crib's garage, the only time my gaze shifted being when I checked my rear-view to see that place disappear around a corner. Much to my surprise, the traffic was very light, much lighter than what was the norm. Not that I was complaining though, any chance I had to get to the apartment faster I was going to take. I only wish it had been this way for the whole trip but unfortunately, that was just not on the cards for on the overpass, I was greeted by the sight of various vehicles all bunched together like they were a bunch of sardines.

"Of course," I huffed. "I should've known this hole never was gonna be generous for long." With another sigh of frustration, I let my head rest against the seat and raised one hand to massage my temples, something I was doing a lot more of lately along with glaring and eye-rolling and cursing... and screaming... and killing... and cr-look these days I was lucky enough to have even a few minutes of happiness and relaxation and this time sure as hell wasn't proving to be an exception and it has been this way ever since, since...

**That night.**

Like a movie playing over in my head, I see, hear, hell I **feel** that moment.

"Johnny we're about to jump!"

"Right on, I'll see you in Stil-" I'd be surprised if the gunshots and static that cut those words off haven't been engraved into my goddamn soul by now. Worst of all is that it all happened so fast, one moment it was business as usual with the three of us robbing a bank. Granted the bank was built like a palace and was owned by a massive crime syndicate which in hindsight should've been our first tip that something was off but as he'd say it, I shouldn't sweat the details. Then the next moment, there I am stuck on the other side of a line, forced to listen as one of my friends was...

Right away, I felt something wet beginning to trickle down my face, prompting me to immediately bring my dashboard mirror down and sure enough, I saw as one thin line of glistening wetness was slowly making its way down my left cheek, prompting me to mutter a curse. No way in hell someone like him would want to see a lieutenant break down in a car like this, especially not when we got shit to do, plans to make and people to burn.

Plus... it's a street gang. That's gang with a capital **"G"**. Even back in the day when all I knew was smoking on a broken lightbulb and fucking anyone who knew where to get weed, I knew full well what getting into this life would entail and the kind of costs it was gonna bring me. I've been shot at, I've watched people bleed, I've been kidnapped by one of my exes. I mean hell, I was in the room when my ex was killed by the Boss! I knew this life wasn't going to be a picnic to begin with. I mean it was as he said.

"Shaundi, we can't mourn Gat forever. Eventually, you gotta get back on the horse." And to be fair, as much as I hated to admit it, as sick as the thought made me considering who said it and what it meant? Pierce... was absolutely right. Not only was he right but to be completely fair to him, it's not like he was talking out of his ass. Like me, he knew Gat from prison, he fought by his side like I did, had his back like I... well, mostly did. The point is, I know that he's simply just trying his best to get me to look towards the future and keep moving forward and deep down, I knew he was right. I mean, even Gat was no stranger to loss and yet he kept pushing forward so it stood to reason that I could absolutely do the same.

But there's a good reason why that only sits in the back of my mind for the time being and how instead, the mere thought of those words makes me want to turn this car right back around and break my foot off into Pierce's ass. I know eventually I need to move on, that I need to keep my head up and look towards the future. Thing is, that message kind of gets lost in the shuffle when you tell me this after we just saw Johnny's funeral being ruined by that fucking asshole of a wrestler just A FEW DAYS AGO! It'd be one thing if after we crushed that asshole Phillipe nothing more happened and the funeral went off without a hitch and hell, maybe I could've even accepted the party if it was thrown in Johnny's honor. If it was just a smaller get-together where Pierce, the Boss and I could just grieve and celebrate his life over a few beers then maybe I could make a few steps towards moving on.

"Hey move it." But that's not the reality of everything, that's not even close to what happened. No what happened is that band of assholes couldn't even let us have a moment to mourn and bury our friend so they killed many of our own during the funeral and what's Pierce's response? He threw a party, a fucking PARTY with a bunch of skank-ass cum dumpsters for the sake of getting off and the thing is?! He **knew** how awful this was because when I said exactly what he was doing directly to his face, he said something like "Well when you say it like that, sure it sounds bad."

"Hey I don't got all day so move!" When I heard what he said, I was all ready to tear into him. The fact that he actually tried to act coy with me like that, as if he was just such a sweet little innocent in all this who was just looking to have fun was one of the biggest insults I think I've ever experienced. I was ready to point out to him just how full of shit he was because I know that he knew full well how bad this was. I knew Pierce very well and if there was one detail I knew all too well, it's that he's terrible at feigning innocence. I mean I found out about this party only because I just so happened to come across a Saint handing out flyers on the street to their buddies and as soon as they noticed I was walking up? They started acting nervous like they knew exactly the kind of wrath that was about to be unleashed.

"Yo bitch, seriously move!" I actually had to get a little physical with that guy to even see what they were handing out because they just refused to show me what it was they were looking at. I also knew he had to be full of crap because when I called the Boss, I could hear in his voice that he genuinely had **no idea** this was going on, almost like he was trying to keep all this hidden from the both of us. Those aren't the actions of an innocent man and he damn well knew it and like I said, I was ready to give him exactly what he deserved and when I called the Boss, it sounded like he was at least ready to help me knock some sense into the guy. But no, instead things just had to get worse from there. First that... fucking pimp had the gall, the sheer nerve to equate being saddled up as someone's personal sex steed to what happened with Johnny. Then...

"FUCKING MOVE ALREADY!" The blaring of the horn coupled by that vicious scream of the dick behind me were finally just two annoyances too many. With a yell of rage, I slammed my foot into the pedal and sped off, my engine shrieking and roaring energy not often heard or seen. To be honest in a way, it was almost a funny reflection of what was going on with me because every time I decided to take a moment to mourn, remember Johnny or even if I so much as decided to point out that maybe, just maybe doing things like throwing a party at this time? I was told that I needed to move on, that I needed to calm down. And every single time I'd just think to myself that they can't be serious. They just can't possibly be this goddamn ridiculous. Excuse me, I didn't realize we suddenly jumped ahead several months. Maybe I am still on the bulb and I just had some crazy-ass hallucination where I imagined us burying our friend only a week ago!

At this point, I was almost surprised with how warm my face was from all the built-up aggression that it didn't just burst into flames. Granted the thought was unrealistic but at one point we all thought the idea of living in a world without Johnny was just that so really what the hell even is reality anymore? With that in mind though, I decided it was best to take a few breaths to try and calm down. I already knew well enough thanks to the past few days that anger and sleep weren't exactly a great combination and also I'd rather not have to waste a few more precious minutes turning around just because I ended up so pissed off I missed the turn that led to the apartment. A good thing I decided to calm down too because I was just about to come up on that exact turn. A few moments later, I'd arrived at my destination and without wasting anymore time, I flung that door wide open and made a mad dash out, stopping only to make a quick check for both guards and the Boss's purple and white Sovereign.

"Good. Coast's clear." I said, voice filled with relief as I made my way to the apartment entrance. Though if I was being honest with myself, this was probably not the best choice for a place to flee to. For one thing, not only was it not all that uncommon for the Boss to ultimately crash here whenever he wanted to call it a night but to put it bluntly? The place was a complete and utter shithole. Granted when my ex had it, it wasn't exactly what you'd call hospitable to begin with. The wallpaper for instance was seemingly never replaced in years and eventually just came right off, I swear there wasn't a single spot that didn't look like it had some form of rot when we first showed up and everything was hardly what you'd call tidy. In other words, perfect if you were some burnout wanting a quiet place to smoke up, terrible if you had any standards.

As soon as the Boss got there though? A reminder of the unholy hurricane he unleashed inside wasted no time in showing itself when my foot sent a stray Saints Flow can flying as soon as I took a step inside, the sound of clinking aluminum causing me to jump and it only got worse once I actually made my way to the living room. The smell of stale alcohol and cheap energy drink hit my nostrils so suddenly that I was amazed at myself for not just vomiting right then and there, the couch looked a bit someone, something or evene multiple somethings had taken bites out of it, the kitchen was in utter shambles with the counter being covered in either boxes of ammo, cheap takeout boxes and various glass bottles, really it was just a miracle this place hadn't been condemned yet because from where I was standing, it looked like it was the result of a crime scene and a meth lab having a disgusting one night stand. It was an area I certainly had never had any intentions of ever staying inside.

But as was my luck at this point in time, it was also the closest and easiest area I could think to escape to. It wasn't the only place I knew for after Johnny's funeral got blown to hell, one of the newest adds to our crew Oleg was nice enough to give us leads on others who'd be sympathetic to our cause but you ask me? Well first one of those people was Zimos who I wanted nothing more at this point than to grab that man by his throat and shove that ridiculous voice machine down as far as it would go so yeah, fuck no to seeking out his pad. The others are better to a degree but honestly, I have never known a person who'd just start crashing at the places of people they just met and to be frank, we really have just barely met them so the idea of going to one of them with the request of staying the night when they a) don't know me that well and b) have better things to do was just too weird to me so the crappy apartment was just gonna have to do.

And to be fair, it's not like it was all bad. I mean being the most blatant definition of a biohazard did mean that this place was pretty much left abandoned and while there were other Saints here often enough that I had to make that check, every time the Boss left, I swear almost every person who would be here made it their goal to bolt out that door as soon as possible so at the very least, this time I had the whole area to myself so that had to count for something. Plus for being the first crib we got here, it had more than enough spots for weapons and it wasn't like just a single light touch of anything would give me some life-ending disease so there was at least a bright side. I mean in a way I guess it's kinda like how the Boss said Johnny had described the old church, it's the shithole with potential. Though quite frankly, even knowing the kind of man Johnny was, I kind of doubt that even HE would've been able to make a positive spin off of this place.

"Oh what would you say about this all?" I asked quietly, my expression solemn as I knew there was no way I'd ever get an answer to that. I took one moment to pull out my cellphone and checked my inbox, almost certain that by this point the Boss would've sent a text by now but much to my surprise and relief, not a single notification showed up. Granted maybe I should've been at least a little concerned but at this point, with the long night that I was almost certain was ahead of me, the fact that that this one time has granted me an opportunity to be alone was one I was not going to waste. After scrolling through my messages a little more, I set my phone down on the coffee table in front of me, pausing only to take a look at the set of bongs that happened to be resting on top. At the sight, I couldn't help but let out a light chuckle as a few positive memories started to trickle their way through. Granted it didn't get far since well, with these being bongs you could probably guess what specifically these memories were about and would be totally "shocked" to learn that it's thanks to these things that aside from the few images I could just barely recall through a thick haze that I otherwise couldn't remember a thing but hey, sometimes I had to take what I could get.

Especially since more often than not, the feeling lasted for at most only a couple seconds and that's on a good day. Tonight though? As quickly as the memories came, they left once I collapsed back onto the couch, my eyes slowly trailing across the surroundings as those happy memories began being replaced by... well you know. I knew at this point that maybe it was starting to get a bit ridiculous since it had been a little while but honestly, I couldn't help it. Before I thought that once we killed Loren things would've gotten at least a little better and to be fair for a time, there was some form of satisfaction when I saw the picture the Boss took of the crushed pile of bones and blood that big ass ball turned him into but once I came down from that mild high things just... haven't been the same.

I just couldn't help it, Johnny's death... it hit me hard. I don't care what you think of him, no way did he deserve to die like that. He was the toughest person I knew, the kind of friend who'd take a shotgun blast in the gut for you before promptly flailing their own blood at that person just to blind them, the kind of guy who we heard had recovered from being impaled by a goddamn katana. He just seemed unstoppable. But now? He's gone.

He's gone and it's all my fault. I should've gone back for him and what sucks is that deep down, I know it's not what **he** would've wanted, that on that day he specifically gave me those orders to cover the Boss but damn it, I should've gone back for him. I mean what help did the Boss need? Dude managed to fend off hordes of Samedi once while high off his ass, he could've handled himself while Johnny and I capped Phillipe and those sisters. But I know sometimes, orders are orders and when it came to Johnny, it was never the wisest decision to argue with him once he had his mind made up. Both the Boss and I knew that all too well. Sometimes though? Sometimes there are just those moments where the best thing to do would've been to defy them.

I spent what almost felt like an eternity just lounging back in the couch, my gaze now locked towards the ceiling with the only sounds I could hear being the faint whooshes and screeches of cars passing by outside and my own breathing all the while my mind did as it usually did and kept shifting back to that one godforsaken day, either playing back that moment like a broken record or if it was feeling particularly dickish, it'd be reminding me of how I failed to save him. Usually this would go on for a good couple of seconds up to a minute and I guess being in the kind of state I was, I lost track of time.

So one could imagine I was at least mildly surprised when I felt my knees beginning to shake when I was almost certain that it hadn't been that long. That being said, I knew this feeling all too well and what it eventually would lead to and sure enough my face started to scrunch and tense up and I didn't even need to reach up to know that wetness had begun to well up underneath my eyes. I let out a light sigh, it would only be a matter of time now before the waterworks fully started and at this point, I knew better after many, **many** failed attempts that it was better to just get this over with than to futilely try to stop it. With this in mind, I began bringing my knees up to my chest and started lowering my head into them. Usually prior to something like this I'd try to make sure the door was locked so that absolutely no one could come in but with how rattled I was already, I couldn't really bring myself to give a damn so instead, I just kept on with my preparation for the good long cry that was sure to come...

"Feel free to lose your mind, let'cha brain go. Fuck the tango do the Fandango!" Or at least it would've come had the sound of mid-2000s rap not started obnoxiously blaring from my phone, a grating reminder that I both needed to change my ringtone and that I forgot to put the thing on silent. With nothing more than an expression that exclaimed "Why now?" I leaned forward and reached to grab the device. In the back of my mind, I think I had a good idea on who it was and if anything, I was in absolutely no mood for Pierce to try and make any half-assed apology.

Then I tapped the screen and saw the caller ID.

"Oh fuck me." I cursed to myself. On the one hand it wasn't Pierce but on the other? It was the Boss who at this moment was probably one of the absolute last people that I'd ever want to be speaking to at this point. I mean what could he possibly want to tell me? Oh wait I think I have a good idea on what it is. He's probably right now so drunk off his ass that he just completely forgot about our conversation and is now calling to me that this party is so unbelievably amazing and that he told all the hoes all about how I used to chug literal gallons of alcohol, smoke the strongest shit from a bulb so that I'd wind up crossfaded and then I'd get the idea to turn some smelly sneaker into a bong which would get them all clamoring for the party trick to be seen in person and so I'd just be expected to show up. Well you know what? No.

"Fuck off." I uttered right before I tapped the red icon to hang up. After letting out a light sigh, I then began to scroll my way to the phone's settings. If there was anything I knew more intimately about the Boss than any other fact, it's that he's one of the most stubborn people on this planet who will just refuse to back down from an idea regardless of how braindead it was or how shitfaced he wound up. After a few swipes and taps, I was just about to enter my settings when suddenly, my ringtone started blaring once more and my screen changed to show the Boss's caller ID once more. Almost immediately, I couldn't help but feel my eyebrow raise at just how quickly this came up but it only lasted for no more than a second and in that span, what little concern I felt was developing inside me was replaced with frustration. With nothing more than a glare present on my face, I hit the hang-up button again and was continuing on my trek to silence it which took only a few seconds. Mercifully, no call came at that time and so with a final sigh of relief, I set my phone down and once more leaned back into the couch, my heart fully content with just riding out the rest of the night alone and you know for the first minute or two? It all was looking like it was set to be that way...

But then again, I also knew that being a Saint, shit just was never gonna come that easy. For every lucky ball that wound up in our court such as when I had that chance encounter with Jessica, there was almost always a shitty curveball that would counter it whether it'd be strung out exes coming to kidnap me or some crazed CEO sending their private army after us. In this case? That curveball came in the form of the ear-grating screech of tires echoing from outside and a set of familiar annoying voices.

"JESUS! YOU TRYNA GET US KILLED?!" One voice shouted with a tone that was so screechy and bitchy that there was no doubt in my mind. That was definitely Pierce and if Pierce was there then that could only mean...

"Tch, hearing that coming from you considering what just happened is mighty rich." Yep, there's the Boss. I'd recognize that deep voice anywhere and here the tone he was using was one of... anger?

"Look I said I didn't kn-"

"And I told ya I don't deal in fuckin' excuses. Next party you try and set up, you go through me."

"Now why would I need to do that?!"

"Because after what happened tonight? It's gonna take a good while before I can trust you again. I'm done arguing." With that last line I heard a door being shoved open and what I think was someone, probably Pierce, shuffling into the driver's seat.

"But this was a freak occurrence! Look you were the one who had my back on this idea so can you really be blamele-"

"Pierce. We're done!" And with that I heard the slam of a car door followed by the faint trail of footsteps. As for Pierce? Well from what little I could hear, he sounded like he was not exactly the happiest person what with him letting out a couple low grumbles before what I guess was the engine started sounding off which quickly drowned him out. A bit weird but then again, I always knew the Boss had a penchant for stealing whatever he could get his hands on so it wasn't the strangest aspect. No what was stranger was the tone he had taken with Pierce which not only sounded angry but also oddly... accusatory.

This was almost completely unexpected. I mean the last thing I heard from him before I left the party was him just agreeing with Pierce and what he said about Johnny which left me with more than enough of a reason to assume that he was gonna just go along with the ride and yet now I hear him after he just finished up an argument with Pierce and from the sound of his voice, he doesn't appear to be in any sort of "Party" mood which can only mean...

Oh fuck am I in for it now. A few seconds pass when I hear the loud clatter of boots stomping their way up the stairs, the sound quickly nearing and raising in volume which prompted me to let out another sigh. It was all too clear that not only was I not gonna get that quiet night to myself but that I also had to prepare myself for what sounded like a very pissed off boss who I just knew was probably wanting to have more than a few words with me. I mean he saw the car, there's no hiding my being here.

"Oh well," I thought to myself. "might as well get this over with." With that I stood up straight and turned just as the door swung open and **he** stepped through and it was here that for the first time since I think when I first joined up with the Saints and was assigned the Samedi, I had to be honest, I found myself feeling a little scared when I saw that tower of muscle and red hair step on through the doorway, his brown eyes locked on mine with an expression that showcased a mixture of concern and anger. At this point, I knew what I should've done was just kept silent but for some reason, for some baffling reason? My mouth moved on its own.

"Boss I..."

"Why didn't you pick up the phone?" He interjected, his tone stern and gruff. I knew this tone, it was the kind that immediately told somebody "There is only one person who should be talking here and it sure as hell ain't you.". It also should've been where I gave him his answer but instead...

"I'm sorry what?" Upon hearing what I said, his tone gained an extra hint of sternness.

"I don't got time for this Shaundi, now tell me why didn't you pick up the phone?" At this point, my nerves were on fire. Not from fear... okay a little of it was fear... alright fine, you know what? I was pretty terrified actually but I digress. Deep down I may have known I wasn't in any real danger but there was just something about the way the Boss spoke at this time and how his voice was devoid of the usual snark and playfulness that wound up making me feel very tense... which later gave way to anger as evidenced by my response.

"What's the matter boss, you can't take a wild guess?"

"Did you not hear what I just sa-"

"Oh I heard." I interjected, my tone becoming sharper. "I'm just genuinely surprised you didn't put the pieces together yourself on why someone like me wouldn't want to speak to you on this particular night."

"I had an inkling you were still gonna be pissed but"

"You still thought it'd actually be a good idea to call me? That I'd just immediately drop everything at that exact moment and talk to you as if nothing happened?" If one could hear my internal voice right now? They'd be hearing a whole series of phrases like "OH MY GOD SHUT UP!" and "WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU DUMB BITCH?!" that were being repeated on loop, phrases that I was just ignoring in favor of escalating an argument that I knew was probably not going to end well.

"In terms of the first call? I admit that I kinda expected you to hang up which is why I got to dialing you again right afterwards. I thought you'd realize then that this shit was important. See the hoes, they..."

"Sorry to interrupt but I don't think the quality of head those skanks were giving was that important."

"I was going to say that they weren't exactly regular hoes."

"Oh great so they were top-dollar super special freaky ones." I said sarcastically. "Yeah because that's so worth a phone call."

"Girl, can you cut the attitude for one moment and just listen to me?" The Boss snapped.

"Tch, listen to you?" I said with a scoff. "You mean like you didn't listen to me about the party?"

"Look I ain't lookin' to get into this Shaundi," The Boss replied with a sigh. "it has been a long night, I already had to deal with bitchin' by both Pierce and Zimos, in the morning I got to deal with their shit and then I gotta start settin' up meetings with the crew so all that you're pissed about? Stick a pin in this." At this point, this was probably a good time to quit. It was clear the fight was doing nobody any favors and it was only happening because emotions just so happened to be running rampant but I found it hard to really care.

"Stick a pin in it? Come on boss, I know you better than that. Why don't you just say what you really mean?"

"Shaundi, I'm dead seri-"

"Oh I'm sure you are boss, I'm really sure you are. In fact, you're really the only person who can actually be serious whereas everyone else always has to either relax or shut up."

"You know that ain't true."

"Do I?"

"Yes you do and look, I'll tell you what. In the morning we can both sit down and chat but right now? I need you to chi-"

"No." Immediately, I watched the Boss's head cock to the side.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. In fact I will say it again to you. No, I will not 'chill' boss and you can't make me."

"Shaundi..." He began with a sigh.

"Don't you fucking start with me now."

"Don't start? I'm sorry but who the fuck was the person who decided they couldn't answer a simple question and decided to start acting up instead?"

"And who's the person that decided to side with the idea of throwing a FUCKING PARTY after we left to bury our friend?!"

"I ain't the one that came up with the idea!"

"Like that makes things better when you endorsed it!" As soon as I let out that last word, I couldn't help but notice a vein in the Boss's neck beginning to bulge, signifying that at this point he was starting to lose it.

"I didn't endorse nothin'!" He screamed right as he took a few steps closer to me.

"Bullshit! I was there, I know what I heard!"

"YOU HEA-" Suddenly, the Boss froze for a moment as if he realized a few moments early that what was about to come out of his mouth was going to be far too hurtful. A few seconds later, he took in a deep breath and once he spoke again, his tone to me was still stern but much lower. "Shaundi, all you heard me say was that Pierce was right about how we can't mourn Gat forever, no more and no less. Look I didn't like the idea of the party anymore than you did but when weighing that up to the act of working out how to take down that Killbane muthafucka along with the entire Syndicate? I made the choice to let it go on. A choice I ended up paying for because that party quickly went south. Those hookers Pierce brought in turned out to not be normal, they were hired guns sent to kill us." Upon hearing that last detail, my eyes widened with a mixture of surprise and disbelief.

"Wait, what?"

"It's true. Not too long after you left, one of the girls tried taking Pierce out in the middle of a lapdance it just escalated from there. I was trying to call so that I could give you the rundown of everything that happened and let you know that tomorrow, I was going to have a serious talk with Pierce about what happened." Upon hearing that, I felt as my jaw nearly fell slack. In terms of the potential answers I thought I was going to receive, I must admit I was not expecting this. Now I knew the Saints had been through so much crazier, hell with half the stuff we saw the idea of "hooker assassins" actually sounds quite tame by comparison but for some reason, it still caught me off-guard not just at how this of all things was the reason for everything but also just how... calm the Boss was now. Hell, if I didn't know any better I'd almost say he was setting everything up for an apology.

"So, we calm now?" Keyword being "almost".

"To be honest, no not really."

"What is it now?" The Boss replied with the roll of his eyes, prompting a glare from me.

"You know what it is." It took only a few seconds for the pieces to come together in his mind which prompted him to let out another frustrated sigh.

"What you want an apology?"

"Among other things yes."

"For what?"

"You know what."

"I ain't apologizing for agreein' with Pierce. You kn-"

"Know he's right?" He nodded.

"Look Shaundi..."

"Don't." I snapped.

"Don't what?"

"I know what you're gonna say, I get why you're gonna say it and I'm just telling you right now, don't." The Boss stared deep into my eyes, his expression still serious but slowly returning to being stiff and stoic. Even though I couldn't read minds, I felt I had a pretty good idea about what he was thinking of saying. Probably something along the lines of "But you know it's true." or...

"Shaundi ple-" That, I was very much expecting that. So much so that it took not even a second before my response came.

"Please what? Please stop? Please move on? Look maybe for someone like you who has already lost so much it's easy enough for you to say. Maybe you've been through enough of these kinds of hardships that you've grown numb to it, maybe at this point you've more readily accepted it as the price of running a gang. That's great, good for you, give yourself a pat on the fucking back." As soon as I finished that last word, I felt as my legs began to shake and quiver with emotion, an action that prompted my mind to start asking me to stop. I knew why it was doing that, I knew all too well what going on about this moment often leads to and on another day, I'd probably try to stop, to change this subject so that the Boss wouldn't have to see one of his top lieutenants at her most vulnerable, at her absolute weakest.

But for whatever reason, I just... didn't stop. I don't know if at this point I stopped giving the tiniest iota of a damn or if I had finally cracked. All I knew is that while my head was telling me "No, no.", I just pushed on. "But newsflash, not everyone on this planet has that kind of luxury. I especially don't have that kind of luxury. I can't just decide when and where I want to just stop caring about this and the thing is? I know I have to move on eventually, I know that t-this isn't what you want to see from me, that this is not what **he** would want from me and you know what? It bothers me, it really fucking bothers me that I can't move on." At this point, my vision was beginning to cloud, a clear sign that it would only be a matter of time before the dam broke. Though despite my vision being hindered, maybe it was just me but it almost looked like the Boss was... concerned? Sad? Honestly I couldn't exactly tell and considering what was going on, I wasn't exactly going to stop just to find out.

"Because trust me, I've tried. Ever since we've got here I've tried to dedicate myself to fighting the Syndicate, to find any good distraction that would stop me from thinking about this but every time I try it gets harder and harder. What happened on that plane I can't just forget about and you want to know why I can't forget about it? It's because... because..." Oh fuck me I actually was starting to choke up now, my throat was starting to feel swollen and clogged, my face was beginning to heat up immensely as the pressure in my eyes kept building and the light shaking had now become full blown trembling. I... I guess I didn't realize just how much I was actually keeping inside but what was even weirder was what the voice in my head was saying. You'd think at this point it would be telling me to leave, that I'd need some sort of escape but instead, all I heard was two words.

"Let go." And instead of trying to argue with this... I did.

"Because... it's all my fault! Boss, I was there on the other side of the line, I-I... fucking heard everything. And I know you're gonna tell me that there's nothing we could've done and that all we can do now is keep on going but that doesn't change the fact that I knew he was right there in that room, we had the perfect opportunity to truly stop this all from happening and the thing is boss? I've had no time to actually grieve and on every occasion I've tried something has happened, the most recent case being what that... asshole did to the funeral and I... just feel like while all this is going on, no one's taking this seriously. Th-They're treating this as if Johnny was just like every other Saint when he wasn't. I-I know it's not out of malice but it doesn't change just how much this... fucking hurts..." At that very moment, all sense of coherency had crumbled to bits, the dam in my eyes finally broke along with what remained of my emotional control and I just... cried and unlike the previous times which were isolated incidents, just small periods where stress and sadness became too much, this time it felt like **everything** was coming out. At this point, I didn't care the Boss was there watching as one of his toughest lieutenants turned into a sobbing trainwreck right before his eyes, I didn't care that this was most likely going to get my ass shipped back to Stilwater without any questioning, I just... needed to let all of this out.

After a few more seconds, I felt my knees beginning to buckle and quake before finally, my balance gave out and I found myself falling forward, my face ready to make contact with the hard wooden floor, the impact of which in the state I'm in would no doubt knock me out completely cold... but that never came. In fact rather than cold, I felt a sudden... warmth envelop me. The feeling of which was very comforting, very loving. It was like those moments where you'd have a bad nightmare and before you knew it, your mom or your dad already had you cradled in their arms with your head pressed against them all they while they continued to assure you that everything was going to be okay. It was a nice feeling but also odd, I mean the only person in the room with me was...

Wait a second, he couldn't be, there's just, there just was no way.

Then I took note of the feeling of what seemed like a leather glove resting against the back of my head and quickly realized, there were no tricks being played on me. Now I don't know what could've come over him, why this was even happening or most importantly how long this would last but after a little while of being wrapped up in the Boss's arms, I'd be lying if I said I actually gave a shit about those questions at this point. What was probably even more surprising though was what happened afterwards when he finally spoke.

"It's okay." He said, his voice now far lower and softer. "Just let all that shit out." For the next what felt like several minutes, I couldn't speak, see or really do anything. Things just stayed exactly as they were right now with me in the Boss's arms sobbing my eyes out, tears and snot streaming down my face, staining his shirt. It was all so odd, I mean this was the Boss. This was someone I'd taken hits for, a man who had charged into many a gunfight and pulled the kind of shit that would get you labelled words like "sociopath", hell this was a man who a few moments ago was angrily cursing at me and now? Now I find myself wrapped up in one of the warmest, most comforting hugs I think I've ever gotten by anyone and they're by **his** arms of all things.

And honestly, now that I think about it. I don't think I would've had it any other way.

"I-I miss him so much." I said, my voice clearly shaky and still filled with emotion.

"You know what? I do too." The Boss replied, his voice almost a low comforting whisper. "It has been tough on all of us Shaundi."

"I know..." I said with a sigh. "I'm sorry I've been so hard on you all. I know I've caused you all so much trouble." Almost immediately, I felt the Boss pull away.

"Shaundi..." He began calmly, his hands moving to rest on my shoulders. "don't say that." I felt my eyebrow cock upward.

"Why?" I asked. "Throughout our entire stay in Steelport I've done nothing but bitch you and the crew out. It has been people like Pierce who have done far more work than I've ever..."

"Last I checked Pierce wasn't the one who gave us an apartment nor was he the one who was able to recognize what the hell a UAV drone was which gave us a sweet new toy to play with." Upon hearing the mention of our "brilliant" adventure of raiding the guard armory, I couldn't help but feel a little bit of strength return which I used the best way I knew how.

"Funny, I remember you being more unnerved by me knowing what those were." I said with a chuckle.

"I mean, yeah it's true I did." He replied with a sheepish shrug. "But once you told me to just shut up and use it, I quickly got over it didn't I?"

"Heh, can't really argue with that." Almost immediately after that, my tone shifted towards being more solemn. "But that wasn't really my idea, you were the one who came up with it. Not only that but you wanted to send me back to Stilwater a-and..."

"And you proved to me that I would've made a big mistake by doing that. Shaundi, I want you to listen carefully to what I'm about to say because this ain't something I do normally, you think you can do that?" It took a few seconds but I soon bobbed my head up and down in agreeance and with that motion, he once more looked me deep in the eyes, his face showing nothing but pure sincerity and spoke his piece.

"Out of all the Saints I've met and fought alongside. I personally think you're just as tough as the rest of 'em. From the day I met you in Stilwater to how you are now, I've always been continuously impressed by the shit you've managed to accomplish and how far you've come. Sure there are times you've annoyed me, yes there were occasions where you could be a little much but you've never ever been what I'd call a burden and yes that even goes for Steelport. I know times have been tough for you, I've seen how that has come about... and I just want to tell you right now that it's absolutely okay and that I in no way, shape or form think less of you just because every so often you're having a moment." I felt as my eyes widened slightly with shock, I looked deeply into his gaze trying to find any trace in his expression that this was all a lie, any hint that this would be nothing more than bullshit and for the life of me, I just couldn't find it. What I did see however was sincerity, strength and above all else, kindness and compassion, two traits that one just doesn't really think about all that much when it comes to the Boss in... well any capacity really and speaking of kindness, at this point he had raised one of his hands to my face and with his thumb began to brush away my tears.

"In fact, I'm quite proud of you. It takes a lot of guts for someone to open up like you just did, far more than even picking up a gun if you ask me." Okay if I wasn't speechless before I was definitely speechless now. If all this didn't feel so nice to hear and I wasn't already coming down from crying my eyes out, I think at this point I'd be asking who in the hell this new guy was and what did he do to the Boss. I mean this couldn't be the same person, could it?

Then again, if he's being this nice, does it really matter? After a few more seconds of staring at this man, looking like I was a deer in the headlights, I managed to get... one word out.

"I... I... d-don't..." Well scratch that, make that two words except they're being said by someone who at the moment was just stammering like a dolt. Luckily for me though, the Boss or at least the Boss's weirdly nice doppelganger seemed to realize what I was going for.

"Hey it's alright you don't need to tell me anythi-actually on second thought, there is one thing."

"Umm... o-okay?" I replied, my face filled with curiosity and also confusion.

"Just whatever you do, please don't tell Pierce about this." I couldn't help but blink twice at what it was I just heard.

"Wait... what?"

"I mean you know as well as I do how inflated that ego of his is so if he found out I told you any of this shit, you just know he would never let us hear the end of it." After a short period of just stunned silence, I finally let myself have one good hearty laugh at just how ridiculous this was. I mean leave it to the Boss to be totally heartfelt and sincere one moment only to then make a jab at Pierce the next.

"Hey now, you know I'm serious." The Boss replied, his face just barely making any sort of attempt to hide the smirk he had developed upon seeing me light up like I did. My laughter continued for only a few seconds longer before finally with a deep breath, I was able to reply.

"Oh don't worry boss, I'm sure you are." With a light chuckle, I watched as the Boss's smirk developed into a full friendly smile before he then began to stand up, stopping only for the briefest of moments to offer me a hand. With a small smile of my own and with barely a moment's hesitation, I took it and let the big lug help me up, my gaze never leaving his as the action occurred. From then on we just stood there looking each other, just perfectly content with each other's company.

"You know boss, I'm... really glad you came over when you did." I said, my feelings of embarrassment over how hoarse and scratchy my voice became being hopefully barely noticeable. In response, the Boss gently smiled, seemingly touched by my words before he then turned to make his way out... and by out I meant towards the bedroom of course. I mean I guess if I wanted to I could've stopped him but for one thing, that would've made this just way too cliche but also... he was in the apartment anyway so why even bother?

As soon as I saw the door close, I calmly and carefully made my way over to the couch and just let myself sprawl all the way out, ready to enjoy my first goodnight's rest in a long while.

**Author's Note:**

> **Dear lord it has been too long. I mean it has been so long I forgot what reaching the end of a chapter even felt like.**
> 
> **With that said though, I hope you all enjoyed the story. Um before we go though I do want to real quickly drop a few factoids. First thing's first for my Boss, I was mainly writing this with Male Voice 2 in mind. No particular reason why other than me just really loving that take and since it was a voice that had been around since the days of the very first Saints Row? It's just gonna always be my headcanon that my Boss always had the voice. Also this has probably the most cursing out of any of my stories in terms of just single chapters. This was done because as I've found, Saints Row is absolutely jam-packed with the crude language. I tried to keep it as natural as I could but seeing as I am pretty rusty, if some stuff is a little off I do apologize.**
> 
> **But enough about that, again I hope you all enjoyed the tale that I had to offer, that you all have a fantastic life and that as always you'll stay safe, wash your hands and finally that you'll always stay gold.**


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